Oscar & Tilly Talk About Baths:
We hate baths. We hate being given (that is, forced to suffer) a bath so much that we tremble uncontrollably whenever we hear the word “bath”!
Dogs and Water
It’s not that we hate water. We DRINK the stuff! We don’t even mind getting wet—if there’s a river, pond, sea or lake, we’ll jump right in it and have a great old time.
We even love splashing around in puddles. We aren’t the only ones—little humans seem to understand the magic of puddles and enjoy romping through them, too.
Muddy puddle water is something of a delicacy for us dogs—the dirtier the better. It’s perfectly good dog-etiquette to drink water you’ve splashed in and vice versa.
So What’s Wrong with Baths?
Baths are NOT puddles, ponds, rivers, seas or lakes. Bathtubs are cold, hard and slippery and it’s scary climbing over the side to get in. Strangely, it’s a lot easier getting out (and a lot more pleasant).
Baths have scary-looking gadgets that spurt or spray horrible “clean” water all over the place, even at our unmentionable places. (You probably already know that it’s not easy staying put with jets of mudless water shooting onto your ‘bits”).
At least Mommy does her best to be kind when she gives us a bath. She is careful not to get soap suds into our eyes or water in our ears, but really, that’s only a small mercy. We always try to hide if we hear the word “bath,” but she quickly finds us. As she marches us off to the tub, our hearts are racing. There’s not many more terrifying walks than that one!
Mommy puts a big towel in the bath first and wets it so that we don’t slip. We appreciate that at least, but the noise of the spurting water and the sucking sounds of the drain are really scary!
The worst part of all is the shampoo. Mommy says it will make us “smell good.” I (Oscar) get shampooed with Fox Poo Shampoo. I try to tell her I already smell of fox poop, but she doesn’t listen. Tilly gets shampooed with Puppy Love Shampoo. Tilly prefers Eau de Stagnant water, after all, a dog can’t smell any better than that, can they?
If it were up to Daddy, we wouldn’t take baths… ever. Mommy says he’s “nose blind,” but we are pretty confident she’s the one with no sense of smell. We could build up a nice heavy scent if Mommy wasn’t so confused. Just when we start to smell great ….to other dogs, …..she washes all our hard work down the drain. What a waste!
We guess we should be glad that she doesn’t bathe us in weird smelling shampoos. Some of the shampoos are just plain embarrassing!
Imagine how we’d be treated by the other dogs if we were wearing “very berry” or “banana” to the dog park while our pals were wearing “pungent puddle,” “poopy fox,” or “stinky sheep” fragrances?
At least when the bath is over, we get a good towel dry, we get to shake fur and water all over the bathroom, hallway and stairwell and then we get to dry off in front of a nice, warm fire. Ahhhhhhhhh……
We think Mommy loves the way we smell at these times, because we’ve often heard her remark that “the whole house smells of wet dog.” That must surely be a good thing, right? After all, if she didn’t like it, why would she keep getting us wet?
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